Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

My husband just ordered a cocktail at this bar by saying "just bring me the pinkest one."

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) July 31, 2024

Watching the Olympics and my husband pointed out an athlete who looked a lot older than the others. Then they showed his age, and it was 38, the same as my husband, and we’ve all learned something here

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024

I wish my wife looked at me the way she looks at new school supplies.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 30, 2024

Being married is taking it in turns to say I knew you were going to say that.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) August 2, 2024

We are rebuilding our deck, and my husband won’t stop talking about his lumber package. Send help.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 3, 2024

My wife is watching a Jane Austen movie, so I'm probably sleeping on the couch tonight.

— Schmuckarillo By Morning (@SchmuckOnAHorse) August 6, 2024

Me explaining to my husband all of the gymnasts’ life stories as if I didn’t start following the vast majority of them two days ago.

— Alyssa Leader (@alittleleader) July 30, 2024

Woke up to Theodore licking his catnip toy and getting crunk

Wife: isn’t it a bit early for that

Me: it’s 5 o’clock somewhere

— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky ?????? (@DrSpooky_ER) July 31, 2024

My husband has been working from home for 6 weeks. I’ve learned that he basically gets paid to be in meetings. Speak in meetings, meet with other people about their last meeting, and have meetings to plan for the next meeting. ??????

— Tshépi ?? M. (@TshepiMOfficial) July 31, 2024

My husband just quoted a Barenaked Ladies song to me & now I’m sitting in my attorney’s office drawing up the appropriate paperwork.

— Kelly (@kelly__le) August 1, 2024

before you get married find out what them chewing at their loudest sounds like because that’s what you’re gonna be stuck with for 30 years

— nika (@nikalamity) August 5, 2024

True love is my husband picking out every good chip at the bottom to the bag and handing them to me one at a time while he eats the tiny crumb chips

— Carissa (@CarissasNewLife) July 31, 2024

My husband gets a little too excited watching me wash a cucumber.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 2, 2024

the most sexy thing a wife can do is tell her husband where something is for the 1000th time without sighing and rolling her eyes

— ????♂? ??Dad Moon Rising?? ??♂??? (@raoulvilla) July 30, 2024

Pretty sure my husband’s favorite part of vacation is complaining about the disruption for a week before it even starts

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 4, 2024

Love is patient, love is kind, love is quietly moving into the guestroom to go back to sleep instead of kicking your husband and telling him to roll over to quit snoring for the millionth time.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) August 5, 2024

I just got the emailed receipt from her shopping trip and It's taking forever for my wife to get home and "catch" me doing the dishes

— Robo Justin (now running Windows 95!) (@justinmatic5000) August 5, 2024

scrolling through pages and pages of google images looking for a picture of tim walz eating a hot dog so i can post brat summer while my baby is crying and my wife begs me to help

— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) August 6, 2024

My husband brought home Halloween decorations just days after complaining about there being decorations in August.

He doesn’t realize the door he just opened.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 5, 2024

Tonight at dinner with my husband's parents he said to his mother "you look really beautiful tonight" and then he mouthed to me while pointing at himself "favorite child."

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) July 31, 2024

Related

The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week

15 Super Intimate Acts That Have Nothing To Do With Sex

These Moms Did A Sexy Boudoir Shoot Post-Baby, And The Pics Are So Empowering